The Ramen Bowl
by smutwhut
Summary: Naruto's favorite ramen bowl somehow breaks. Sasuke realizes that the best way to keep his beloved penis from falling off is to inform his blond lover during sex. However, the plan goes completely the wrong direction. Perhaps Sasuke will lose more than his manhood. Sasuke x Naruto, humor.


Oh. Shit. Sasuke stared at Naruto's favorite ramen bowl as it crashed to the hard and cold floor before it shattered into a million orange pieces. A single shard glided over to Sasuke, stopping exactly before the tall man's toes. It seemed to laugh at the man's looming fate. Telling Naruto straight out would certainly ensue in his castration. And he would like to keep his dick, thank you very much.

After three hours of thinking long and hard about a way to inform Naruto and minimize the pain, Sasuke decided it was a great plan to tell the blond man during sex. At the time, it seemed like the most brilliant, god-given plan in the entire universe and then some. Hell, when the aliens came down, they'd look for Sasuke in order to hail him as their almighty, intelligent king.

At exactly 6:32, Naruto arrived back home. Throwing his jacket carelessly on the brown sofa near the door, he announced his arrival and sat himself down in the kitchen seat.

There was a plate on top of the kitchen table, filled with all types of delicious foods. Naruto hadn't even known that Sasuke could boil water for his ramen, much less create the beautiful meal standing in front of him. Sadly, Naruto wasn't quite in the food for grilled-until-delicious-perfection beef. In fact, he had just one craving. He wanted ramen.

However, when he spoke his mind about his desire, Sasuke's eyes quickly opened at the unwanted comment. Oh, shit. But soon his normal, calm visage replaced his scared one. With poise, the dark haired man spoke, "But, Naruto, I prepared all of this for you; I'd never prepare any dish for anyone else. And it'll warm my heart even if you have just one bite."

And Naruto couldn't help but fall into those suave words. Soon, his mouth was filled with said beef.

Finally, night arrived. Sasuke couldn't help but smile almost maniacally. His plan was going exactly as planned. He'd survive, with a fully intact penis. Life was great.

Naruto crept into Sasuke's bedroom, and the two soon began removing their pants. Sasuke sat up in his bed and Naruto continuously played with his manhood. That was a good thing; Naruto was in a playful mood. The older male then cleared his throat; he thought it would be a perfect time to tell what happened. Then they would engage in sex and Naruto would forget all about it. And sex was always good.

"Ahem. Naruto… that bowl, you know, the orange one, somehow crashed and broke..."

"What. The. Fuck."

The tanned hand, which had been giving Sasuke pleasure just a few seconds before, started harshly jerking up and down. It actually hurt.

If Sasuke wasn't getting his dick cut off, it was going to fall off if Naruto continued. It wasn't going the way he planned.

"Did you really break it?" Naruto murmured, his words full of dark malice never before experienced by mankind.

An awkward cough. Naruto abruptly stood up and shoved his hand into the drawer the couple placed their "special" objects.

Sasuke began sprinting for the door when he saw what was in Naruto's emerging hand. The black whip. Oh, god. Sasuke, unlike Naruto (on occasion), did not enjoy having large red streaks on his ass. The door was flung open as Sasuke, tailed by a seething Naruto, ran off into the neighborhood.

Kakashi sat peacefully on his hammock, enjoying the zephyr and the comforting rocking. His eyes devoured the book in front of his eyes, taking in the dirty words and even dirtier pictures. Ah, it felt like heaven.

All of the sudden, the white-haired male heard a shout from the distance. Looking to his right, he saw Sasuke. He was about to wave to his former student when he realized that said student's limp length was exposed, with unbuttoned pants nearly falling off. Sasuke was also running at a speed Kakashi never experienced. It must have been faster than light.

And behind him was Naruto, snapping a large black whip viciously and running just as fast. His pants were also undone and nearly falling off.

Kakashi stared for a second, then slowly moved his head back. He must be getting old.

* * *

AN: And thanks for reading~ It's my first humor fiction, but I really did enjoy writing it. Nonetheless, I'd love to hear your opinions and how I can strive to be better. (I know it's really short, hahaha...)

Please review, I LOVE YOU ALL.


End file.
